Fatherhood Weighs Upon Me

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Meagan is due with our first baby in less than two weeks, and it's put a lot on my mind. That being said, I shamefully present:

Reasons I Will Probably Be A Terrible Father

1. I still enjoy off-brand macaroni and cheese with hot dogs cut up in it. If I'm feeling ambitious, I'll make grilled cheese to go with it.

2. My suggestion for decorating the baby's room consisted of a picture of Jesus next to a poster of the Beatles, "so the baby would know who the five most important people ever are."

3. If asked, "Do you prefer to wear pants or not?" my answer is always the less socially acceptable one.

4. When my child enters Sunbeams class at church, she will very likely raise her hand and ask if they can sing "Stairway to Heaven" after "I am a Child of God."

5. When my children ask questions like, "Why is the sky blue?" there is a strong chance that I will mention the electromagnetic spectrum and absorption patterns.

6. I can't even remember to clean my hamster's cage.

7. I won't have a real job until I'm in my mid-thirties. This further means that my child and I will most likely have "homework time" together at the dinner table. When she asks if I can help her with her spelling words, I may reply, "Yes, but only if you help me with gross anatomy."

8. Most things that touch my hands strike the floor shortly afterward. I may end up developing a very short bungee cord that ties around my wrist and her ankle, just to prevent such issues. I will attempt to market this device and make approximately $7.43.

I'm sure there are more. I'll post as they occur.